Post by DBBN on May 19, 2015 17:13:46 GMT -5
Here are some quick and terrible thoughts and predictions regarding the women's singles qualifying.
Section 1. This could be a pretty good draw for Grace Min to get her shit together. She will likely win two matches and could possibly take down Pereira should the Brazilian not have emotionally recovered from her default last week. But Teli, on current form, is the class of the whole draw.
PERSONAL FAVES: Foretz, Min
PREDICTION: Pereira def. Min
Section 2. Some notable names here, but this is the kind of environment where MDM thrives. Yes, Cirstea is unseeded in qualies. Might I say, it's about time. Oprandi, more than Cirstea, is the real wild card, as it all depends on her motivation, which is non-existent 99% of the time. I feel you gurl
PERSONAL FAVES: nope
PREDICTION: Duque Marino def. Siegemund
Section 3: I want to take Section 3 out on a date. I want to tell it it's perfect, no matter what anyone else may say about it. I want to say "Section 3, you've been mistreated, and you probably don't think very highly of yourself. And sure you've made some mistakes, Section 3, but the future is bright - not because of anything that the fates might conspire to throw at us, but because we're going to spend it together. Forever."
PERSONAL FAVES: Karatantcheva, Rezai, Paszek, Hsieh
PREDICTION: Karatantcheva def. Hsieh
Section 4: The Danielle Chase to Section 3's Angela Chase.
PERSONAL FAVES: nope
PREDICTION: Haddad Maia def. Sasnovich
Section 5: Another bunch of "yeah okay so these are people maybe I know?" I'm halfway convinced that Ula might finish the year ranked ahead of Aga except for the fact that for every, say, 2 quality results she posts, there is one where you know Aga is texting her afterwards like "GURL R U N TRUBL"
PERSONAL FAVES: meh, maybe Chan
PREDICTION: U. Radwanska (but very very very close to picking Martic) over Jabeur
Section 6: Remember when Cepelova beat Serena? Neither does Serena. Hell, neither does Cepelova.
PERSONAL FAVES: K-BOND
PREDICTION: K. Bondarenko def. Govortsova
Section 7: Seeing a lot of people wondering why MLDB doesn't play tournaments outside of America. Okay, so that time I saw her lose a hilarious Charlottesville final to Dubois, 1-6 7-6 6-1 (LOL yes and as funny as you imagine it being, it was 10 times funnier), while she was CRYING DURING THE ENTIRE THIRD SET WHILE PLAYING, her...parents? Dad and sister? I dunno, some chick and some dude were like endlessly egging her on, not un-supportively (or, as native English speakers say, supportively). I think it must be hard when you are anointed at such a young age to be so great, and then one day you realize that you don't want to do something. But what else can you do? What does this mean about who you are? And then you move to the US from Portugal (...big mistake right?) and futz around and like are just over it, but there are probably hot guys and it's better than a job at American Eagle or whatever.
For example, I learned to read at age 2 and then my parents would take me places and put a newspaper in my hand and I would read it to random people and people would be like WOW YOUR KID IS SO SMART ONE DAY HE WILL BE KING and it's only now at age 35.99 that I realize that I fucking hate reading. What a stupid waste.
PERSONAL FAVES: Larcher de Brito
PREDICTION: Kulichkova def. Stewart
Section 8: Shoutout to the first person who finds a old white tennis journalist (probably British) who doesn't understand why World #12 Pliskova is in the qualifying draw and is SUPER ANGRY 'bout it.
PERSONAL FAVES: Ostapenko
PREDICTION: Kr. Pliskova def. Pfzienmaier
Section 9: Those "places" that my parents took me? Bars.
PERSONAL FAVES: nah
PREDICTION: Dominguez Lino def. Tig
Section 10: Did Anastasia or Arina ever make any statements about Australia turning down a Slam wild card? And by "statements," I mean "corpses"
PERSONAL FAVES: K. Kucova
PREDICTION: Glushko def. K. Kucova
Section 11: Gasparyan is having a decent recent ITF run, right? Still the top seed in a Slam qualifying section is kind of shocking to me. But I like frozen margaritas and she's Russian so I don't know where I'm going with this
PERSONAL FAVES: lolno
PREDICTION: Ormaechea def. Zanevska
Section 12: Baby Flower Chinese Davenport (TM SAISAI-GOAT) has left the clay-court Shangri-La of Anning, the Roland Garros of China (TM SAISAI-GOAT) and is testing her skillz in Roland Garros, the Roland Garros of France (TM SAISAI-GOAT). Why do you all hate SAISAI-GOAT? He is magical. Just IMAGINE how unpalatable all of these truly useless #80-130 Chinese players would be were he not around. ZHANG SHUAI HAS STILL NEVER WON A MATCH AT A SLAM. She's a female Matosevic, if you can get past the cognitive (yet hot) dissonance of that statement.
Also, if Courtney and/or Ben are reading this: why does Paula Kania get the most random shoutouts on NCR? "All of these top young guns are trying to get past Serena and Maria, like Halep, and Bouchard, and Bencic, and Kania, and Pliskova..." and then you list more names but by then I've driven into the median because I don't understand, I don't understand anything, life is fleeting
PERSONAL FAVES: BAGEL-Z
PREDICTION: Kudryavtseva def. Pegula
Section 1. This could be a pretty good draw for Grace Min to get her shit together. She will likely win two matches and could possibly take down Pereira should the Brazilian not have emotionally recovered from her default last week. But Teli, on current form, is the class of the whole draw.
PERSONAL FAVES: Foretz, Min
PREDICTION: Pereira def. Min
Section 2. Some notable names here, but this is the kind of environment where MDM thrives. Yes, Cirstea is unseeded in qualies. Might I say, it's about time. Oprandi, more than Cirstea, is the real wild card, as it all depends on her motivation, which is non-existent 99% of the time. I feel you gurl
PERSONAL FAVES: nope
PREDICTION: Duque Marino def. Siegemund
Section 3: I want to take Section 3 out on a date. I want to tell it it's perfect, no matter what anyone else may say about it. I want to say "Section 3, you've been mistreated, and you probably don't think very highly of yourself. And sure you've made some mistakes, Section 3, but the future is bright - not because of anything that the fates might conspire to throw at us, but because we're going to spend it together. Forever."
PERSONAL FAVES: Karatantcheva, Rezai, Paszek, Hsieh
PREDICTION: Karatantcheva def. Hsieh
Section 4: The Danielle Chase to Section 3's Angela Chase.
PERSONAL FAVES: nope
PREDICTION: Haddad Maia def. Sasnovich
Section 5: Another bunch of "yeah okay so these are people maybe I know?" I'm halfway convinced that Ula might finish the year ranked ahead of Aga except for the fact that for every, say, 2 quality results she posts, there is one where you know Aga is texting her afterwards like "GURL R U N TRUBL"
PERSONAL FAVES: meh, maybe Chan
PREDICTION: U. Radwanska (but very very very close to picking Martic) over Jabeur
Section 6: Remember when Cepelova beat Serena? Neither does Serena. Hell, neither does Cepelova.
PERSONAL FAVES: K-BOND
PREDICTION: K. Bondarenko def. Govortsova
Section 7: Seeing a lot of people wondering why MLDB doesn't play tournaments outside of America. Okay, so that time I saw her lose a hilarious Charlottesville final to Dubois, 1-6 7-6 6-1 (LOL yes and as funny as you imagine it being, it was 10 times funnier), while she was CRYING DURING THE ENTIRE THIRD SET WHILE PLAYING, her...parents? Dad and sister? I dunno, some chick and some dude were like endlessly egging her on, not un-supportively (or, as native English speakers say, supportively). I think it must be hard when you are anointed at such a young age to be so great, and then one day you realize that you don't want to do something. But what else can you do? What does this mean about who you are? And then you move to the US from Portugal (...big mistake right?) and futz around and like are just over it, but there are probably hot guys and it's better than a job at American Eagle or whatever.
For example, I learned to read at age 2 and then my parents would take me places and put a newspaper in my hand and I would read it to random people and people would be like WOW YOUR KID IS SO SMART ONE DAY HE WILL BE KING and it's only now at age 35.99 that I realize that I fucking hate reading. What a stupid waste.
PERSONAL FAVES: Larcher de Brito
PREDICTION: Kulichkova def. Stewart
Section 8: Shoutout to the first person who finds a old white tennis journalist (probably British) who doesn't understand why World #12 Pliskova is in the qualifying draw and is SUPER ANGRY 'bout it.
PERSONAL FAVES: Ostapenko
PREDICTION: Kr. Pliskova def. Pfzienmaier
Section 9: Those "places" that my parents took me? Bars.
PERSONAL FAVES: nah
PREDICTION: Dominguez Lino def. Tig
Section 10: Did Anastasia or Arina ever make any statements about Australia turning down a Slam wild card? And by "statements," I mean "corpses"
PERSONAL FAVES: K. Kucova
PREDICTION: Glushko def. K. Kucova
Section 11: Gasparyan is having a decent recent ITF run, right? Still the top seed in a Slam qualifying section is kind of shocking to me. But I like frozen margaritas and she's Russian so I don't know where I'm going with this
PERSONAL FAVES: lolno
PREDICTION: Ormaechea def. Zanevska
Section 12: Baby Flower Chinese Davenport (TM SAISAI-GOAT) has left the clay-court Shangri-La of Anning, the Roland Garros of China (TM SAISAI-GOAT) and is testing her skillz in Roland Garros, the Roland Garros of France (TM SAISAI-GOAT). Why do you all hate SAISAI-GOAT? He is magical. Just IMAGINE how unpalatable all of these truly useless #80-130 Chinese players would be were he not around. ZHANG SHUAI HAS STILL NEVER WON A MATCH AT A SLAM. She's a female Matosevic, if you can get past the cognitive (yet hot) dissonance of that statement.
Also, if Courtney and/or Ben are reading this: why does Paula Kania get the most random shoutouts on NCR? "All of these top young guns are trying to get past Serena and Maria, like Halep, and Bouchard, and Bencic, and Kania, and Pliskova..." and then you list more names but by then I've driven into the median because I don't understand, I don't understand anything, life is fleeting
PERSONAL FAVES: BAGEL-Z
PREDICTION: Kudryavtseva def. Pegula
Of course I assumed people would instantly realize.
. 
and my interest has stayed high.