|
|
Post by DBBN on Aug 28, 2008 15:14:58 GMT -5
Let's just get this out of the way: as you know, though I did play tennis (in high school, and very badly), I don't pay attention to shots or grips or handedness or anything important. I can give basic styles of play, and I'm sure you've all realized my raison d'etre is to make pithy-cum-bitchy comments about behavior and incidents and hotties and such.
Let's not pretend that I go to the US Open to watch tennis. That is an incidental consequence of attending the event to (i) get sunshine, (ii) escape my scary life via holiday, and (iii) drool over and possibly proposition dudes. Not necessarily in that order.
Having said that...
I was there Tuesday and Wednesday. I saw basically everyone not on the three main courts. This obviously includes the barnburner between Zahlavova Strycova/Zakopalova and Poutchek/Rodionova. I will be happy to answer questions, if anyone has any. If not, life goes on and I have to pack.
I will say two things unprovoked:
1) I went today too. This was the first day in 15 years of going (shit...15 years) I was not able to buy a ticket at the gate. All day session tickets were sold out by my arrival at 10:15, including grounds passes. Whoever says tennis is dead is a fucking retarded orangutan, or possibly some sort of mollusk. I wish I was dead like tennis.
2) A nice conversation while watching Bammer-Rezai:
[Stands of Court 13, smaller side, facing sun. HURLEY sits with 20 or so RANDOM FANS on bleachers. On bleachers directly to left, 4 feet away, BAMMER'S COACH sits, exhorting his player, SYBILLE BAMMER, in their common native language (spoiler!).]
RANDOM WOMAN [to no one in particular]: So, where is she from?
RANDOM WOMAN #2: I think they said Austria.
RANDOM FAT GUY [seated directly in front of Hurley]: Australia.
HURLEY [probably the first words he's said to anyone all day]: Uh...Austria.
RANDOM FAT GUY [turns around, to Hurley with anger]: Australia.
HURLEY [gleefully accepting confirmation of his misanthropy]: ...What? [points at drawsheet, ignores fat moron]
RANDOM WOMAN #2: Actually...yeah, it says Austria. She's from Austria. I mean, that's what the umpire said.
RANDOM FAT GUY: Oh. OHHHHHH. Well...wow! I always thought she was from Australia. [loudly, to Hurley] I STAND CORRECTED. [turns to RANDOM WOMAN] I mean, I always wondered why her coach started speaking, I guess [here's the kicker] Austrian to her. Now it makes sense.
[Hurley's head explodes. End scene.]
|
|
|
|
Post by Edna Krabappel on Aug 28, 2008 15:21:19 GMT -5
I don't have any particular questions at the moment, but a recap of most memorable happenings (including hotties and bitches) would be nice.  When you have time, of course. |
|
|
|
Post by GoDom on Aug 28, 2008 15:24:43 GMT -5
German. Austrians speak German. Oh, and  |
|
|
|
Post by Denise49IQ on Aug 28, 2008 15:27:19 GMT -5
Semi-report Did you see any hotties. Details if so. That is all. |
|
|
|
Post by lexpretend on Aug 28, 2008 16:05:54 GMT -5
Austrian  |
|
|
|
Post by R. Black on Aug 28, 2008 18:33:03 GMT -5
1) I went today too. This was the first day in 15 years of going (shit...15 years) I was not able to buy a ticket at the gate. All day session tickets were sold out by my arrival at 10:15, including grounds passes. Whoever says tennis is dead is a fucking retarded orangutan, or possibly some sort of mollusk. I wish I was dead like tennis. They should sell an infinite amount of ground passes. Maybe tennis is dead and many people wanted to give a last homage to the sport. No one will go tomorrow! |
|
|
|
Post by DBBN on Aug 28, 2008 21:14:34 GMT -5
Fucking Austrian. I just...I dunno. Isn't that something most people know?
Anyway. I am at my grandmother's until Saturday and I don't really have Internet (stealing a finicky wifi connection from one of her neighbors) so more details will have to wait until then.
I am really far too old for Grandma's.
|
|
|
|
Post by sasha on Aug 28, 2008 22:04:59 GMT -5
I'd say most don't know that German is Austria's main language.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Chloe on Aug 29, 2008 2:58:47 GMT -5
I probably didn't know that they spoke German in Austria. But it's one of those things I probably would have deduced within a 30 seconds, after mulling over the other possible options. Austrian would not have been one of these options. Seriously, what a dolt. I miss stupid people at tennis tournaments.
Now, fill us in on the hotties, please.
|
|
|
|
Post by R. Black on Aug 29, 2008 7:23:03 GMT -5
Wasn't it Agassi who said he doesn't speak Brazilian. |
|
|
|
Post by janie on Aug 29, 2008 7:35:00 GMT -5
Hottie & bitch reports wanted!  And Hurley: remember, you will NEVER, EVER be too old to stay at Grandma's house! I bet she even made you some of your favorite cookies. |
|
|
|
Post by The Chloe on Aug 29, 2008 7:36:49 GMT -5
Nobody is too old to stay at Gamma's house. Gamma is just a young skip, trapped in a middle aged woman's body. True story.
|
|
|
|
Post by GoDom on Aug 29, 2008 7:39:27 GMT -5
At least you are not too old to still have a Grandma.  |
|
|
|
Post by DBBN on Aug 29, 2008 8:54:09 GMT -5
But I am too old to leech off of her! Of course, I am now unemployed, so I should be taking advantage of these things more than ever. Anyway. Hotties...hotties...I thought Vogele's coach was fairly fit, but upon closer inspection he was a bit craggy in the face. Then again, I should remember that I too am craggy from certain vantage points. OH, I watched part of Ginepri's doubles match  That was nice. I do also have an inexplicable crush on Bobby Reynolds. I've been hanging out with doofuses from Maryland for too long. Seppi was okay...tall , blond, skinny. Not what I was expecting at all. He still should be nowhere near the seedings. Verdasco! I watched much of his match. He is just rock solid from the neck down, and he hits the ball SO HARD. I positioned myself so his ass was in my face when he returned serve. That is good shit. But most of the time tennis players are less hot in person...I think I had discovered this earlier. Actually, the ones on TV who you think are hot are much less so, and the ones you didn't give a gibble about are pretty studly (e.g. Melzer). It's weird. Like Tursunov: he's just...not very enticing up close. A goodly amount of hottie spectators as usual. I think next year I'm going to make "Hottest 2% Attending the US Open" stickers and hand them out. These are the things I think about. This one Latino was watching Duque Marino/Tanasugarn (and why anyone would watch that match is beyond me...and yet I watched it) and he was talking to Pat Etcheberry (!) in Spanish (!!) behind me, and PHWOAR. It seemed like he was a former player, but he was very short, so I'm not so sure. But DAMN. He was hot. And he had beer! I kept seeing this one other guy too at all the same matches...he was also alone, also young (I mean...relatively, like me), and occasionally shirtless, which was nice. He was dressed very alternatively and taller than expected. I even saw him on Black Thursday as I think he did not get a ticket either. It was weird. I was considering asking him if he was on WTA World. Fortunately, I did not, because that would have been weird. I think I have only 10 more years of this before people start thinking I'm an old pervert the way I think about old guys I see there alone. Hmm...going over the OOPs, I saw a bunch of good women's tennis. I actually will go over some more highlights once I have a dedicated connection, like when I called Casey Dellacqua's parents "fuckers." |
|
|
|
Post by janie on Aug 29, 2008 9:18:36 GMT -5
So far, so good! Many thanks. Here's a good deed you can do: on the day you depart from Gamma's house (is she excited that her friend Becca is over in Korea?), leave her neighbor an anonymous note advising them to GET A DANGED PASSWORD TO PROTECT THEIR WIRELESS CONNECTION. Unless, of course, you hope to take advantage of said connection again in the future. ;D |
|
|
|
Post by DBBN on Aug 29, 2008 9:29:50 GMT -5
Yeah...I don't even know which neighbor I'm stealing from. ;D
|
|
|
|
Post by sasha on Aug 29, 2008 9:49:33 GMT -5
This is bad advice because you'll have to show them how to do this.
Of course, I'm in IT and hate my job and hate talking to people... so, maybe it's not so bad for you.
|
|
|
|
Post by lexpretend on Aug 30, 2008 1:52:46 GMT -5
Unprotected wireless networks can be a real boon. Never help those people out!
|
|
|
|
Post by Traveling Man on Aug 30, 2008 7:18:18 GMT -5
Did you manage to catch Aisam's match with Carlosh? Also, the hilarious anecdotes of stupid people at tennis tournaments must continue.
|
|
|
|
Post by DBBN on Aug 30, 2008 16:31:40 GMT -5
Did you manage to catch Aisam's match with Carlosh? Also, the hilarious anecdotes of stupid people at tennis tournaments must continue. That match was constantly jam-packed. I watched the second set TB at the back of a crowd 8 people deep. Moya was a huge fan favorite...I kind of thought the novelty of a Pakistani playing would have put the crowd in his pocket, but no. Everyone who walked by the court was like "WOW MOYA" like he was FedJesus or something. Very weird. Moya looked really good in his bright red sleeveless T...you know, if you ignore his beady eyes, fucked-up teeth, and gross hair, which, apparently, many gay men do from afar, and half the WTA Tour does firsthand and secondboob. |
|
|
|
Post by GoDom on Aug 30, 2008 16:54:28 GMT -5
I've never found Moya to be particularly attractive. His face is so bland.
But yeah, he seems to have tons of fans.
Qureshi, however, is very good looking even though I'm no expert on this ethnic group. I would assume that Pakistani women love him.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Chloe on Aug 31, 2008 4:46:50 GMT -5
Did you manage to catch Aisam's match with Carlosh? Also, the hilarious anecdotes of stupid people at tennis tournaments must continue. That match was constantly jam-packed. I watched the second set TB at the back of a crowd 8 people deep. Moya was a huge fan favorite...I kind of thought the novelty of a Pakistani playing would have put the crowd in his pocket, but no. Everyone who walked by the court was like "WOW MOYA" like he was FedJesus or something. Very weird. Moya looked really good in his bright red sleeveless T...you know, if you ignore his beady eyes, fucked-up teeth, and gross hair, which, apparently, many gay men do from afar, and half the WTA Tour does firsthand and secondboob. I never really got why Moya was such a stud, but whatever. If he makes other people happy just be existing, I suppose I can deal with being out of the loop on that one. I saw him practicing with Rafa one year that they were in Toronto - it was probably the first year that Rafa played in Toronto, because nobody walking by seemed to know or care who Moya's "hitting partner" was. They were too busy going ooooooooh! Moya! OMGZ! It was special. |
|
|
|
Post by Denise49IQ on Sept 2, 2008 8:09:12 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by R. Black on Sept 2, 2008 8:18:02 GMT -5
Hurley: "Whoever says tennis is dead is a fucking retarded orangutan, or possibly some sort of mollusk."
ys: "US Open popularity took a strange dive.. It's my 10th US Open, that I attended, and for the first time on Friday-Sunday instead of miriads of desperate people asking for extra tickets I see bunches of people desperate to sell their tickets."
WHO IS LYING?
|
|
|
|
Post by lexpretend on Sept 2, 2008 8:36:20 GMT -5
I'm impressed with that Mackerova chic and the Byschkova.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Chloe on Sept 2, 2008 9:25:48 GMT -5
Hurley: "Whoever says tennis is dead is a fucking retarded orangutan, or possibly some sort of mollusk." ys: "US Open popularity took a strange dive.. It's my 10th US Open, that I attended, and for the first time on Friday-Sunday instead of miriads of desperate people asking for extra tickets I see bunches of people desperate to sell their tickets." WHO IS LYING? There are probably lots of people "desperate to sell their tickets" because they know there aren't any left at the booth. It's possible that they're both a little bit right. |
|
|
|
Post by DBBN on Sept 2, 2008 10:15:26 GMT -5
I wasn't there Friday-Sunday. But it's more than likely people who got Ashe tickets for those days didn't want to see those matches.
|
|
|
|
Post by DBBN on Sept 2, 2008 10:17:18 GMT -5
I'm impressed with that Mackerova chic and the Byschkova. ZOMG I was there! I WAS THERE!!  Next year I'll make a "Dawn Maree" sign. Am I the only one who remembers her being "Dawn Mar ee" on the old Sanex boards? |
|
|
|
Post by The Chloe on Sept 2, 2008 10:18:12 GMT -5
I remember that, too. She is a legend among retards.
|
|
|
|
Post by The Chloe on Sept 2, 2008 10:18:51 GMT -5
I actually meant to say "legendary retard". But I failed, and insulted all of us instead. |
|
When you have time, of course. 
Next year I'll make a "Dawn Maree" sign.